Crafting a keyboard and mouse out of bamboo may be “eco-friendly,” and not terrible, overall, unless you’re a bamboo tree. But a desk calculator made out of bamboo seems unnecessary. It’s hard to argue that a wooden calculator is more eco-friendly than using the calculator that’s already inside your phone and computer, though.

To make a long story short: no, the iRestore (or any LED-light helmet or comb) will not make you regrow hair in your male-pattern bald spots. Yes, it looks hilarious in the manufacturer’s picture of a guy casually wearing one.

In a putrid collection of dated and misused rap slang, the author of Hip-Hop For Dogs answers the questions she asks you on the back cover: “Is your dog phat? Is he a playa?” Written by someone with no apparent knowledge of culture, music, rhythm, or rhyme, it is the English As She Is Spoke of rap books.

Programmable via Bluetooth, this scrolling sign allows you to (as the manufacturer suggests) put it on your hat when you’re on vacation, as shown here. It’s apparently perfect for people who use giant paper maps. And waiters.

Beer has been available for decades in bottles and cans, which are single-serving sealed containers that keep your beer fresh until you decide to drink them. In an effort to  change this system which works flawlessly, brewers and drinkers have been putting craft beer in growlers, which are larger tanks that go flat before you can finish the beer inside. To “fix” this problem, you can now buy a pressurized growler, allowing you to pay a hefty price for the privilege of having beer that will probably still go flat.

I obviously can’t post a picture of it here, but some company sells a “replacement foreskin” made out of silicone. What you’d use it for is beyond me, but it’s from the makers of the Atomic Jock Unit-X Cocksling, so I’m sure there’s a target market out there doing something with them.

The USA Beer Cap Map enables you to store your otherwise-discarded trash and display it on the wall. Patriotically.

They also make one in an Ohio shape, of course.