Those who do not remember the past are doomed to repeat it, and those who loved trash the first time will ironically or unironically love it more the second time. Ecto Cooler Hi-C is no exception.

You’ll need to see the full size of this one, so I won’t post a tiny version: it’s a pillowcase of Macho Man Randy Savage elbow-slamming Jesus as he looms over the entire Earth.

When I am older, I shall perform the ass-dance, as my elders have instructed.

An alternative input device for people who can’t use keyboards for one reason or another is a great idea. This thing probably doesn’t fit the bill, however, because it’s crazy expensive for two joysticks in a plastic box. And, as one reviewer noted, the motion for the “tab” and “k” keys both very nearly also press F5, meaning that you have to use it slow and carefully or you’ll refresh your page, clearing everything you’ve been laboriously joystick-typing.

For those with repetitive-stress or chronic pain, the SafeType is equally expensive, and has mirrors attached to it, and looks insane, but seems to actually work. It’s no wonder people have wrist and arm problems when some of us are apparently spending hours using an iPad bolted to a toilet-paper holder.

All right.

Fair enough.

Goddamn it.

The Beer Tracker is a bottle-opener that counts how many beers you’ve opened with it. Per the customer reviews, it works about as well as you’d expect.

“Conversation starter,” lies the manufacturer in their description of the Satoshi Nakamoto Bitcoin Bobble-Head. If you work with someone who uses Bitcoin, they’ve already told you about it. And if you see someone with a bunch of Bitcoin stuff, the last thing you ever want to do is ask them about Bitcoin.

The same company manufactures a physical Bitcoin coin, which is, like Bitcoin itself, unable to be used in exchange for goods or services.