The current #1-best-selling “plant germination kit” is Chia Donald Trump. Not surprising, given that one of their other big hits was this reality TV star.

Onlookers gasp as you pull out your grenade, then sigh in relief when they see you’re actually trying to kill them with a knife.

“Please mug me, I’m staring at my phone and won’t notice.” If you’re a Poke-driver instead of a Poke-destrian, you might want the “Please pull me over, I’m on my phone and you can give me a $130 ticket” special.

This is objectively the worst Amazon Prime Day deal, btw.

Today is, as you no doubt already know, Prime Day on Amazon. Indulge yourself in the one-day bargains, such as a 43″ TV for $300, with enough time between now and Black Friday that you can tsk at the Walmart shoppers lining up for cheap televisions.

In keeping with the Prime Day theme, the Squatty Potty (above) is discounted, in case you need to shit ice cream with your legs propped on a stool.

What is adult life if not the simple, cheap joys of childhood sold back to us at a premium? It used to be that companies would make shiny, mass-produced, clam-packaged versions of our memories and sell them back to us in chain stores, but now, people handmake our shitty old stuff and charge us even more for it. “It’s just like the wooden slingshot you used to make as a kid,” says the manufacturer, even though the price implies it should probably be a whole lot better than something I’d make with a stick in the woods as a child.

They also make a hundred-dollar “Tree Swing,” which is a board with two holes drilled in it.

Surprisingly not shaped like a gun, the American Skillet is instead over 100 bucks’ worth of cast iron that used to be a Native American skillet.