You are now aware that any electrical outlet in your home may be one of these $300 hidden cameras.

It records five full days’ worth of HD video. Of you. At home. Then someone else watches it.

These cookies are either good or bad. I don’t know. But I want to draw your attention to the customer reviews, where one woman explains the tastes of different cultures by saying that “I’m sure that someone from another country finds tater tot casserole repulsive.”

I wrote this book in 2003 and it’s not very good, but book scavengers are trying to get $15 for it. Don’t buy it. I don’t even have a copy myself.

If you must buy something I wrote last decade, which I don’t recommend, go for the 2005 “Toothpaste For Dinner” since that literally costs $0.01.

This tiny aquarium, which amounts to a plastic tub of water with some LED lighting, costs over a thousand bucks. 

It doesn’t come with the jellyfish.

And, according to customers, it may electrocute your jellyfish and/or start a house fire.

This tiny dry-erase board, which straps to your wrist, is possibly the most cumbersome and least-practical way to record information you’ll need later. Until they come out with a wrist-mounted Wooly Willy, that is.

This apron, which has “built-in oven mitts,” seems to have been designed to make you burn yourself. More awkward than an actual pair of oven mitts, and way more expensive than buying them separately. Tape a spatula on that motherfucker and you could charge THREE hundred, I bet.

Somehow, I have a feeling that Michelle Obama didn’t actually endorse Iaso Tea, a “detox and weight loss” tea which also claims to treat herpes. But that didn’t stop the manufacturers from using her picture to advertise their product.