This can’t be called a Rubiks Cube, primarily because a Rubiks Cube is fun. There’s also the matter of trademarks, but let’s be honest: this isn’t fun. Memorizing and then repeatedly applying algorithms on a $300+ piece of plastic can be described many ways, but “fun” is not one of them.

On the other hand, if fun’s what you’re looking for, go for the 11x11x11 Speed Cube. That’s some good ol’ fun like Grandpa used to have. Smoking a pipe on the porch, whittling an 11x11x11 cube out of some fine plastic, covering the cube with “some type of goo”… none of this newfangled junk.

I did all the vocals on the new HELL ORBS album “Skeleton Zone.” You can listen to it & download it here.

The actual title of this item is They’ll Think It Is Just A Cane Until It Is Too Late. Which would also be a great name for a post-rock band… not that you should form one.

You might go faster on the ATV, but if you’re looking for safety, a mousepad is probably going to be a lot less dangerous to ride.

Yes, cigarette lighter, I got asshole. I… I use… (lowers voice) I use asshole to crap.

This keyboard, manufactured overseas, lists one of its features as “humiliation function.” Surely the American purchasers of cheap, exploitative-labor-made computer peripherals would take this in stride, right? They wouldn’t bite the hand that feeds their insatiable lust for cheap hardware, would they?

As you might expect, no, they couldn’t stop themselves. Hundreds of commenters flooded the manufacturer’s listing to make fun of their use of English as a second language. It truly is a humiliation keyboard, but for us, that we share a language and a continent with these petty, sad people.

Why would you need a selfie stick when you could have the Cellfy Wrap? It’s a suction-cup device that lets you attach your phone to a tree, so you can take a picture of yourself, using a tree, and your phone. Check out the picture of the lady using it that’s captioned “Nobody around? No problem.”

Just me alone in the woods with my suction cups. Not depressing at all. Right, trees?

Trees?