From the makers of Vagina Toaster (Yellow) comes Penis Toaster. I had to blur the picture because we live in a censorship hellscape, but you can see the unblurred version on the product listing if you must.

For only $770.01, you not only get a swinging outdoor bed, but an insane run-on-sentence title. (Check out the actual name of the product, for real.)

You’ve seen nude yoga and nude housecleaning on this very blog before – but have you seen 3D Nudist Adventure, a SEVENTY-NINE DOLLAR blu-ray? The lone review gives it three stars, because the people in the video “have too many tan lines.” It’s made by Ukrainian Naturist Families, who have a bevy of similar videos, and may be called Russian Naturist Families by the time you read this, if the political climate hasn’t changed.

Fellow shoppers marked Ko-Ko The Cat’s reviews as “38%  helpful,” which is pretty high for a lady who writes reviews as if she were her cat, and refers to herself as “Mumzy,” as if that is what her cat calls her, internally. Ko-Ko has reviewed women’s loafers, garlic salt, a 1998 Toyota Corolla window switch, and 99 other items.

“Boobies!” is a $65 jar that has moss in it, and a tiny figurine of a woman lifting her shirt. I’ve blurred it here, but you can see it on the product listing.

I could write several paragraphs about how much I hate Neti pots, the device designed to pour water up into your sinus cavities, where it remains for hours before slowly draining down your throat (and, unless you use sterile water, may cause a brain infection) but instead I thought it might be better to show you this video of me using a Neti Pot.

“Elf Bowling: The Movie” costs $3.79, but even at this price, it has mostly bad reviews. It’s based off the 1998 video game “Elf Bowling,” for some reason.

It’s free to watch on Amazon Prime Instant Video, in case you have an Amazon Prime membership & want to murder 82 minutes of your life. I do not suggest this, because I watched it, and the only good part was the teaser at the end for “Elf Bowling 2: The Great Pumpkin Heist,” which, thankfully, was never actually made.