If it’s been a while since you dipped your toe into the apocalyptic fringe, why not have a look today? “The Prepper: Part One”, “Oh Sh!t… The Awakening”, “Grid Down: Perceptions of Reality”, “Society’s Collapse: A Long Road Ahead”, and “Equipping Modern Patriots” are some of the best-selling books in the genre of Prepper Fiction, a masturbatory fantasy by and for people who keep food and guns in their basement. The message, of course, is that it’s actually good and smart to hoard bullets and bags of rice, not a delusion or fantasy about using the end of society to acquire the power and resources they lack here in the real world.

In case you’re not tempted yet to hit the “look inside” link to read these (which you can do on the product page) – each and every one has a monologue by at least one character about how Obama caused the fictional apocalypse, via power failure, cyber-attack, or nuclear blast.

Tired of the non-adventure of sleeping on a bed moored to the earth by the simple force of gravity? Why don’t you hammer a metal hook into the face of a steep cliff and sleep there? For only $699.95, the pleasure can be yours.

For only $199, you can buy The KettleClamp, a kettlebell handle that attaches to a dumbbell, to turn your dumbbell into a kettlebell, kind of.

Or you could buy this $34.95 kettlebell handle, which uses standard barbell plates, which you probably already have, if you’re lifting weights in the first place.

“Dick Swap” is a story of two men who switch penises. The author’s description includes the sentence “When one of the penises turns up missing, it leads them on a strange and beautiful quest of self-examination, friendship, and mystery.” You can read the preview for free in the “Look Inside” link, as usual, if you want to see exactly how they swap dicks, or why.

Sea Monkeys have been around since the 1950s, and for most of their existence, they were cheap in their disappointment. You spent three bucks ($9 these days) and got a plastic tank and a packet with dessicated shrimp that “magically” came back to life when you dumped them into water. (The scientific term is cryptobiosis – the eggs enter a state of suspended animation when removed from water and resume their life cycle when rehydrated.)

Not content with this cheap disappointment, the manufacturer has released a $49 projector-tank so you can see a shadow play by your tiny, disgusting crustaceans. Watch them float around in water, eating the tiny pieces of yeast you feed them! Watch them… uh… exist… alive… maybe! Watch the dead ones exist very similarly to the alive ones! Like most of the American dreams from the 1950s, it was a brazen lie, perpetrated by brazen profiteers, yet continues to beguile our society to this day.

For some reason, the manufacturer painted a grey shirt onto a shirtless-man JPEG in their listing for the “Insta Slim Muscle Tank Shirt” instead of actually taking a picture of  their shirt. They did the same for the picture of the back of the shirt, with equally good results, too.

This inflatable toilet seat is a great way to teach your kids to shit straight into someone’s face.