“Heaven Is For Real” is the totally real and not made up at all story by Colton Burpo, a little boy who remained alive after a near-death experience, and was not coached by his fundamentalist parents to say that heaven is actually real. As with any successful book, it has been turned into a franchise, with the improbably titled “Heaven Is For Real: For Kids.”

The story all comes together when you see another book in the series, “Heaven Changes Everything,” where Todd and Sonja Burpo baldly admit that the story they concocted was their way out of financial debt, and giving credit to God for allowing them to use their sick child as a pawn in the game of Let’s Get Rich As Fuck.

Finally! You can own a chunk of Lord Horatio Nelson’s hair! Yes, the famous British war guy who did war stuff like killing and maiming is now physically available for purchase. It’s probably normal and not psychotic at all to own a dead person’s body parts, so if you’ve got twenty-five thousand dollars, it’s yours for the buying.

If your eggs are scrambled enough to want this, but you don’t have the budget, maybe you’d be interested in some Elvis Presley hair?

When you activate the Micro Sonic Grenade, it emits a 115-decibel siren. The manufacturer describes this as a “prank,” which it might be if you think pushing someone out of a third-story window is funny. The customer reviews mostly complain that the device is not loud enough, which is a valuable insight into the mind of the typical user, as poorly as it may bode for society.

“Vape Mania” exposes, as the subtitle suggests, “the evils of the electronic cigarette.” It suggests that e-cigs are the product of a global conspiracy to enslave the masses. As with every book I post here, there’s a “Look Inside” button if you want to read it.

Reviewers have panned the taste of Edible Finger Paints, with one claiming that his paints were dated 1998. (He ate them anyway, noting that they tasted bad.)

Measuring out pure caffeine powder by yourself is an easy way to overdose on caffeine. It would be hard to drink enough coffee, soda, or tea to ingest a fatal amount of coffee, since the LD50 dose (which is the amount, which, if taken by a group of humans, would kill 50% of them) is around 150-200 mg/kg. This is about 100 regular cups of coffee.

Even though it would take 10-15 grams of pure caffeine to kill a regular person, someone with a heart or liver condition can be fatally caffeinated with significantly less. Healthy young people have been put down with as little as one gram.

Caffeine overdose comes with a laundry list of uncomfortable symptoms, so even if you survive your spoon-dip into the bag of pure caffeine powder, you’ll be left with hours upon hours of nausea, chest pains, heart palpitations, sweating, and irritability.