This horrible device plays Christmas songs through a speaker when you unfurl your toilet-paper. That is, it would if it worked. One angry customer wrote “It product is very bad. I don’t like is bad.” If you want to see what the target market for this product types like when they’re mad, there are six other reviews.

If you’re tired of your taoist exercises strengthening your core, or your mind, step into the world of Taoist Feces Exercise. That’s the actual name of this 64-minute video, and in case you’re thinking “oh, it’s a translation error,” no. It’s exercises to make you shit better. It’s free to watch, by the way, if you have an Amazon Prime membership, and you need to learn how to shit better.

This $45 pair of plates is lopsided so all the syrup runs into a puddle at one end. Or, you could not glug a whole cup of syrup onto your pancakes, which would probably save you money on syrup, too. 

Thanksgiving and Hanukkah collide next week, which last happened in 1888, and won’t happen again for hundreds or perhaps thousands of years. (One rabbi estimates it’ll be seventy thousand years, though my guess is that we will no longer have one or both of these holidays in the year 72000.) What this means for marketers is that they have a unique opportunity to create compelling Thanksgiving-Hanukkah products that are only good this year and won’t be reusable ever again. They have, of course, failed at this task.

One example of this is the “When Holidays Collide” paper placemat set. They’ve slapped a clip art of Hanukkah candles over a clip art of a turkey, and then put the same artwork on their “Happy Hanukkah Happy Thanksgiving Double Chocolate Cocoa.” The only saving grace is that they didn’t attempt to create their own word, which the Happy Thanukkah shirt does, regrettably.

A Gobbling Miracle Happened There is a book that combines my least two favorite things: poetry and poetry.

And a pair of rubber duckies dressed like native Americans carrying dreidels and stars of David is a unique way to commemorate two cultures that Europeans tried their best to destroy.

The Happy Thanksgivukkah ornament may be the best, though, because it’s a CHRISTMAS TREE ORNAMENT that combines two holidays that happened a month prior. What better to add to the celebration of European conquest and the Jewish Festival of Lights than the celebration of the birth of presents?

Jesus, I mean. The birth of Jesus. Sorry.

There are over 500 one-star reviews for the new Sony Playstation 4. They all say that it was broken upon arrival.

The fun part about making rubber band guns is that you use crap that’s in your desk for free, like old pens or paperclips. This super-expensive “Devastator” rubber-band gun allows you to bypass ingenuity and fun with a large sum of money, which, if you think about it, neatly describes most aspects of our modern world.

You can buy a less egregious wooden rubber-band gun for $5.75 if you look around for a second, but again, if you might get zero-toleranced for anything that even resembles a gun, you might want to go with the pens-and-paperclips for the sake of plausible deniability.

The “Useless Box” is a kit you put together. When you flip the switch on the top of the box, a mechanical finger comes out from inside and turns the switch back off. I like to solder & put stuff together, so that’s not why it’s here. I’ve put it on this page because you can pay an extra $17 to buy a fully-assembled version.