Oops! All Marshmallows

Why buy a box of Lucky Charms and spend your precious sugar-minutes digging out the marshmallows when you could buy a pound of cereal marshmallows on its own?

Actually, for that matter, why not get the 40-pound case of cereal marshmallows? Sure, as one of the reviewers notes, it may turn your excretions into a cascading rainbow of different colors, but let’s face the facts: your endocrine system already hates you.

Silhouette: Wine glass for your nose


The Silhouette “sense-enhancing wine glass” has a dip in one side, so your nose fits into it. (Check out the “elegant” picture of a lady drinking out of it.) The manufacturer claims that it helps you taste wine better, because you can stick your nose right into the glass. That would make sense, if regular wine glasses didn’t already have a big hole at the top that lets you smell the wine.

It costs $49.95… for one glass.

The horror of 3-D mouse pads


I can only show you PART of one of these mouse pads. “Sexy Girl 3D”, above, is an anime girl whose giant breasts form a wrist-rest. But it’s absolutely tame compared to “Make Life 3D Anime Mouse Pad,” whose name belies the fact that it’s a tied-up lady whose spooged-up butt forms the 3-D part of the mouse pad. Or “Perfect Gift Sexy 3D,” which actually prints an anime’s dirt button right in between the 3D buttcheeks. I don’t recommend you click any of those, unless you’ve got a hunger for cartoon butts, or you don’t believe my descriptions.

I do, however, wholeheartedly recommend you check out “World’s Sweetest Sister-In-Law,” a mousepad which contains no bodily fluids. Just the words “World’s Sweetest Sister-In-Law,” printed so large that only one of them actually lands on the mouse pad. It’s calming after those anime horrors. The indifference of not caring what goes on the mousepad pales in comparison to the deliberate detail that goes into an anime butthole.

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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.