The Worst Things For Sale

Peanut-butter toast and a cup of coffee is a pretty classic, cheap breakfast combo. Which means it makes perfect sense to replace that with a thirteen-dollar jar of caffeinated peanut butter. It’s got a skull and bones on it, though, so that means it’s… angry?

At least they didn’t claim, like the manufacturers of Steem Caffeinated Peanut Butter, that “caffeine naturally bonds with peanut butter.” (It does no such thing, chemically speaking, and if it did, then the caffeine wouldn’t work in its intended fashion, having reacted with the other ingredients.)

“Take turns pooping, but don’t clog the toilet,” says the manufacturer of Poop: The Game.

If you’re about to “more like the best thing for sale” me, congratulations: You’re the target demographic.

I’ve pixellated this for obvious reasons. What’s notable about this isn’t that it rotates by remote control, but rather, the manufacturer’s photo gallery of the different types of passion you can have with this not-safe-for-work adult object. If you’re not in public right now, you must see “toilet passion.”

Styled to look like your gut is hanging out of the bottom of your shirt, the Dad Bag comes in a surprising number of skin colors, hair levels, and wrinkle detail. And you’ve gotta give ‘em credit for making a fanny pack look even worse than it usually does. (The gallery of people wearing them is worth a look, btw.)

There’s nothing better, when you’re sitting on a stool in a parking garage, than a comfortable pair of fish shoes, which the manufacturer helpfully notes “also uses as couples shoe’s” (sic). The close-up picture of the shoes themselves makes the idea even more bizarre, since it looks like they may be hand-painted. Which means that someone, somewhere, is painting fish shoes.

I’ve promised to create a Worst Things For Sale video series if we can get a bit more support on Patreon. We’re still not at the point of paying the bills to host and continue writing TWTFS, so if you can join our Patreon, you’ll also help us create these videos in addition to continuing to publish here.

Contributors at the $25 level also receive exclusive t-shirts every few weeks. But any support is welcome!

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Buy this mug, and you’ll have a place to put your tea bag, so you won’t have to use the saucer that you already own, and so the tea that drips out of the tea bag will spill down your shirt when you drink your tea. It’s a great idea all around.