Give Yourself The Finger

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Make your cheap, naturally-invigorating drink a source of hostility! Try bringing this “middle finger mug” to work so you can flip yourself the bird while you’re trying to swallow enough caffeine to drag yourself through your soul-crushing daily routine. If you can’t stop the entire rest of the world from giving you the finger on a near-constant basis, I guess you can join them by flicking yourself off, to prove you’re one of them. Hey, look, I agree with you! I hate me too!

The Chainmail Necktie

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The chainmail necktie is a great way to say “Sure, I have a job that requires me to wear a tie, but that doesn’t mean I want to be promoted.”

Hoax Radiation “Prection”

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I think they mean “protection”, but regardless, this $160 Ethernet/USB dongle supposedly protects your brain from radiation from your Wi-Fi router. Of course, if it actually did this, it would mean your wireless router would stop transmitting signals. But it doesn’t do this. So, if it didn’t cost $160, it wouldn’t be THAT terrible. But it does. So it is.

The truly paranoid can also purchase the $296 “Home Protection System for Smart Meters” from the same company, which protects your brain from your gas meter.

Vomit Mix Capsules

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The vaguely named “Vomit Mix Capsules” are $16.95, and described by the manufacturer as containing “a proprietary mix of herbs.” No details on what the herbs are, and no picture of the product except for a tiny picture of a woman barfing. The same manufacturer sells “Asthma Mix,” which has a single, one-star review claiming his Asthma Mix Capsules were expired by the time they arrived. Hey, you want a proprietary mix of herbs, you gotta accept that they might be expired.






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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.