The Worst Things For Sale

While they might work to some extent, strapping two plastic cups to your head with a piece of string tied under your chin might be the least-elegant way to hear the television more clearly.

Are you ready to snag some used food? Then click on over to Marine Biological Cognitive Kids Poop Toys, an unlicensed rip-off of the original fishing-shit game for kids, Fishin’ For Floaters.

Comfort Zone is an electric scent-diffuser you plug into the wall, which is supposed to calm your cats. Whether it works or not is up for debate (some reviewers think it does, some think it doesn’t) but several of them report that the diffuser unit starts to smoke, melt, and burn, which seems like it might be bad if you’re not into house fires.

Relax. No one will see you wearing the cordless heating cape. Get in, take some pictures, get out, easy money.

It’s fine. No one looks at this stuff online. No one will ever see the pictures.

It’s fine.

You and me both, buddy. At least you’re not “proud to be a NASA.”

This bag of fake potatoes costs about as much as thirty to forty pounds of actual potatoes. (See also: the bag of 100 plastic pennies that costs 3.99 times as much as a hundred real pennies.)

This two-piece plastic gun is sold as a “potato gun,” a utility it fulfills in name only. This right here is an actual potato gun, the dangerous pipe-based contraption that, traditionally, you spray hairspray into and then hope that it doesn’t blow up. It’s probably more fun to make it yourself out of some PVC pipe rather than drop a hundred bucks on a pre-made “Moon Cannon,” but this is 2018, a time when achievement has been replaced by purchasing, and where Do It Yourself is interpreted as a punishment.