The Worst Things For Sale

There’s probably nothing wrong with feeding your dog beef, if you want to, and your dog likes it. But this package costs $29.99 for fifteen ounces, which, even freeze-dried, is unreasonably expensive, compared to grass-fed beef from the store.

Traumatic brain injury is horrible. I’m just not sure that “Smash Traumatic Brain Injury” is the best way to phrase that. “We Need To Kick Self Injury” isn’t much better.

“Perfect gift or present for your uncle nephew brother boyfriend husband teenagers,” search-engines the listing for this item. They’re wrong, of course. The perfect gift or present for your uncle nephew brother boyfriend husband teenagers is this pair of socks which says “I (heart) cock slapping.”

If you’ve never had to directly deal with someone dying, the sheer weight of having to make decisions about the physical body of someone else is overwhelming. Someone you knew, loved, talked to, now a large object to which something must be done immediately. Before you have time to even begin contemplating the loss, you must make decisions, arrangements, and, of course, payments. Even the simplest of options can run thousands of dollars, which you may not have. You begin to contemplate what will happen when you die, yourself. The money, the guilt, and the responsibility that you will leave in your wake simply by going motionless adds to your burden.

Anyway, one of your options is this $425 purple unicorn urn.

Chuck your normal lamps. It’s time for this lamp that looks like a gas meter. For $784 you’d think the bulbs would be included, but, no, they’re sold separately.

It’s by the maker of this toilet-paper holder, which is also made out of old piping, and this double-TP-holder, which inexplicably includes a valve, referred to by the manufacturer as “a hose knob.”

People are still buying this commemorative “one million dollar bill” in 2018.

You bought it with $19.99 + $5.00 shipping of US legal tender bucks, buddy.