The Worst Things For Sale

The Fondoodler is, as the manufacturer admits, a  “Hot Glue Gun – But For Cheese.” Unfortunately, cheese is harder to melt than ethylene vinyl acetate (the main component in hot-melt adhesive sticks) which means, as several customers note, you have to wait for each little bit of cheese to melt after pushing it into the hot tip of the Fondoodler. Still, it’s worth a look to see the photo gallery of gingerbread-style houses made with cheese and crackers, even though they must have taken hours to make.

Here’s one vial of human sweat. It’s marked “for research use only,” but I’m sure nobody will know if you drink that bad boy in the privacy of your own home.

Each of these horrors links to the page where you could purchase them, against my strong suggestion that you do not.

Now, if I were cynical, I’d think that the phenomenon of selling beer in growlers was created to sell more beer (because it goes flat unless you drink a half gallon at once) and to sell beer growlers, like this inordinately expensive cannonball-shaped growler, which comes with the added inconvenience of having a round base.

You… summoned me here! It is not just a puzzle box. It is a means to call me… to enter your world… and make fun of how much your replica movie merchandise costs.

The Dad Shirt, by Lalabu, isn’t a low-quality polo with the name of a local business embroidered on the front. It’s this hellish combo of baby-wrap and big-pocket shirt. Like its cousin, the also-stupidly-named Peekaru, it allows your child to poke out of your front like Kuato, but offers none of the warmth, and is somehow also more expensive. It also seems to be almost exactly this “Big Pocket T-Shirt” I wrote about this summer, except, again, quite a bit more expensive.

With Halloween approaching, the hunt for a costume for your daughter intensifies. If you’ve ever had to buy a costume for a child, you’ve probably already noticed that boy costumes are jobs, and girl costumes are sexy jobs, like this seven-year-old girl police-officer in a short dress and knee-high boots. Fortunately, as you can see by the model’s expression above, children love to be a loofah for Halloween.