The Worst Things For Sale

Who would want a baseball cap with a scalpel on it? Probably the same person wearing this “Surgeon: Will Work For Ice Cream” shirt.

This water bottle comes with a set of plastic bands you use to count how much water you’ve had through the day, with the idea being that everyone needs to drink a certain amount of water every day. Of course, the idea of “eight glasses of water a day” has already been debunked as made-up, and, unless your doctor has specifically instructed you to take in more fluids than usual, or your mouth is defective, you’ll get thirsty when you need more water through the day.

Apart from the obvious fact that a dozen independent companies operate star-naming enterprises, a star is like a cat. You can name it if you want, but it doesn’t know its name, and if it lives outside, you can’t really say it’s yours.

The PonyCycle is a mechanically-powered horse with wheeled legs. The manufacturer says it’s “for indoor/outdoor use”, which I guess depends on whether you want your kid careening through your house atop a wheeled horse.

There’s a metaphor in the idea of finding a four-leaf clover. It represents good luck, but to find one, on average, you’ve got to spend a lot of time and pay a lot of attention. So the principle of putting in hard work to get “lucky” is part of the deal.

There is, too, a metaphor in buying a framed four-leaf clover and having it delivered to your house instead of looking for one.

The reviews of Pinot Meow, a wine for cats, are in, and they’re outstanding!

No, I’m lying. Almost all of the reviews say that cats won’t drink it.

You might think “this is one of those companies that algorithmically designs products to list, and then prints them on demand when they sell.” Nope. They’ve only got a few products, and they’re almost all animal-penis pillows.