The Worst Things For Sale

This shirt lights up when it detects you’re within range of wi-fi, and as it works via a sewn-in pocket of circuitry and AAA batteries inside of your shirt, is only slightly less comfortable than looking at your phone to see if it can connect to wifi.

In an attempt to break into the market of “people who use baby wipes but don’t like that it says baby wipes on the box,” Butt Valet is exactly that, but called Butt Valet. Bizarrely, the manufacturer provides several pictures of people holding Butt Valet in different scenarios. Whether it’s Dude Wipes, GoodWipes, or Stall Mates, the wet-wipe remains the same.

Sleepace claims to monitor the quality and quantity of your sleep when you attach it to your pillow. All of the non-spam reviews say that it can’t tell if you’re asleep or not.

There are a dozen (or more) sleep-trackers available in 2017. If you’ve ever used one and found it to work, why don’t you leave a comment on the Worst Things For Sale Facebook page and let us know?

This item is described as “192 Thumbtack value pack,” yet shows 100 thumbtacks on the package. Either way, you’re going to be paying a lot for each thumbtack.  

These innocuous-looking wireless headphones are now the subject of a class-action suit for violating laws regarding privacy. A customer discovered that the headphones were sending data about his listening habits to third-party companies.

And, less safe-for-work, a similar class-action suit is being brought against the makers of this app-controlled vibrator, for sending data about its customers’ sex practices back to the company.

Your programmable thermostat knows when you’re not home, your Bluetooth deadbolt knows when you come and go, your networked light-bulbs know when you’re awake and what rooms you spend time in, and all three of those brag that they can be used directly with Amazon Alexa, the open microphone that listens to everything that happens in your house.

Finally, as of this week, the Amazon Show has a camera that streams video of your bedroom. Thankfully, nothing ever happens in your bedroom that you’d want to keep other people from seeing.

We’re 91% of the way to funding a Worst Things For Sale weekly show. Would you give us $0.10 a day and help us reach our goal? (Your tiny donation goes toward keeping TWTFS online and publishing daily, as well as Drew’s comics Toothpaste For Dinner and Married To The Sea.)

(A $25 donation gets you a quarterly box of exclusive merchandise, but even a small donation will help immensely.)

If you’re not pizza-ed out from yesterday’s post, then have some pizza cologne. It’s by the makers of dirt cologne and snow cologne. (I know what dirt smells like, but what the hell does snow smell like?)