The Worst Things For Sale

What kind of monster puts tomatoes on top of cheese pizza?! If you must have a pizza bed, you should at least go for a pepperoni pizza bed, because that’s a real food people eat. (Or the “Pizza Adult Beanbag Chair,” shaped like a slice of pan pizza, if you’re old enough to be an adult, but still young enough to be able to get out of a beanbag chair without help.)

The Flippin Fantastic is a silicone mold that theoretically allows you to make seven tiny pancakes and flip them all at once. Unfortunately, according to the customer reviews, it leaks, and food sticks to the silicone. The customer image of burned, leaky pancakes stuck to the Flippin Fantastic would make a great black-and-white “before” picture for another product, though.

Solving a problem the world does not have, the Chork combines a pair of chopsticks with a fork.

Feed your coins into the face of this bank, and it stares at you as its face churns, eating your coins.

Hey, it’s me, Toad, from the Mario games. Come with Toad. It is safe. Toad knows where to have a lot of fun here in the abandoned part of town. It’s free. Come with Toad.

This is, unless you’re like me, and you spend hours each day digging through Amazon, the best customer review you’re going to see all day.

PureLyft is an “energy stir stick” that dissolves in a glass of water to release caffeine, sweetener, and flavoring. Most of the reviews note that it tastes terrible, which is an accomplishment, because companies have been mixing water, flavorings, and caffeine together for decades. Unsurprisingly, it’s “frequently bought with” the caffeine-vape I wrote about earlier this month.