The Worst Things For Sale

This is a layer of film you stick to your desk that “turns it into a dry erase board.” Which would be great, except it’s horizontal, on your desk, so you can’t use it to show things to a group. And you can’t use your desk, because if you put anything on the desk, or put your arms on the desk, you’ll erase what’s on there. And you could use a pad of paper and a pen to get more information written down with less effort, if you’re sitting at your desk. And it costs a bit much for a single piece of plastic that’s sticky on the back. But I guess these are all small prices to pay for “productivity.”

These non-prescription glasses have diffraction grating built in, which causes light to separate into its color components when you wear them. Which might be all right for about 60 seconds, if you’re insanely high, but will likely just give you a headache. The manufacturer provides the least-helpful product video I’ve ever seen, if you feel like you need to add zero information to your pounding diffraction headache.

Still, they are infinitely better than these.

File this one under “they thought of the name before they made the product.” Same with Holy Toast. And Grilled Cheezus, for that matter.

The Little Rooster is a vibrating alarm clock that wakes you up by vibrating. This presents an alternate timeline to the evolution of our society, where we used our immensely scaled-up production of plastic garbage to turn everything into a vibrator. Of course, this is the real world, and the vibrator doesn’t work, and most people buy the Gun Alarm Clock when they want a novelty alarm clock, where you shoot the alarm clock to turn it off, and the gun alarm clock is also broken.

Talelight is an “electronic bumper sticker” you control with your phone. It goes beyond the standard stretch-of-logic of regular bumper stickers (that is, the idea that people in traffic care what you think) and imagines that you might want to change your deep thought of a bumper sticker every single day. (Some of their examples are in the gallery on the listing.) Apart from the fact that, no, no one behind you cares what you think, the Talelight mounts on the outside of your car, ensuring that if you display any message of import, a passer-by will rip this expensive piece of shit off your car and either whip it into the woods or take it with them.

Well, that’s a good idea, sign, and it’s…

Yeah, should probably get that slogan on a water bottle too. It’s really important to…

collect…

moments…

RX Destroyer is a bottle that converts drugs you don’t want into a slurry, which you then put into the trash to send the drugs harmlessly into the landfill and then the groundwater. I’m mostly posting it here because I’m dreaming of a mom angrily cramming nugs into the bottle, jamming the sticky buds down with her thumb into the slurry as she whispers “Just Say No” over and over.