The Worst Things For Sale

At first glance, LampChamp might seem like a good idea. Or at least an okay idea. But then you see the picture of the guy holding his phone in mid-air so he can charge it from his lamp and realize it to be folly.

What’s a tool you’ll use in your kitchen again and again? Obviously, it’s “The Cupcake Corer.” It’s designed to cut the center out of a cupcake, which most of us have to do daily. Finally, the struggle is over. No more using the Treat Corer, a generic dessert-coring device not specifically designed for cupcakes.

Jelqing is the technique of squeezing blood into your penis to temporarily, and, as the practitioners hope, permanently enlarge it over time. (It doesn’t, by the way, and can cause circulatory and nerve problems to your organ, making it numb or harder to achieve erections.) Still, millions of men across the planet have a pathological desire to enlarge their penis, meaning we end up with tools like The Penilizer.

For those who don’t want to drop the dough, there is a cheaper and commonly-used kitchen-tool alternative that seems to do the very same thing. Keep it in a drawer with your spatulas and no one but you and your permanently-damaged dick will be the wiser.

This isn’t your regular, run-of-the-mill animatronic baby gorilla head. It’s the very same animatronic baby gorilla head used in the movie Gorillas In The Mist.

There’s a cheaper alternative, but it will require a bit more effort on your part.

What does a summer cookout need? Beer? Friends? Sun? Nope. An unbelievably expensive grill built into a trailer you pull behind your car.

A polygraph measures your pulse and skin conductivity. It’s usually inadmissible in court, since its accuracy rate is so low that it’s inappropriate to use as evidence in a criminal case. But, hey, if you want to drop a few bucks to accuse your friends and family of things they didn’t do and record their bodily functions on your phone with this USB polygraph, feel free.

You may have eaten ostrich and alligator jerky, but you’ve probably never had earthworm jerky. This is your chance to drop fifteen bucks to eat something you could probably dig out of your yard yourself.