The Worst Things For Sale

Americanize your front door with The Gun Key, a 45-caliber key blank that can be cut as a duplicate of your house key. There is, of course, also an AK-47 house key.

You can put a silicone cap on a beer bottle and stick it back in the fridge. There’s no law against it. You can drink oxidized, flat beer if that’s your thing.

Also, as reviewers have noted, if there’s carbonation left in your beer when you put one of these on, the pressure will pop the lid off, allowing your oxidized, flat beer to relax in your fridge uncovered.

The purpose of a flask is to bring liquor where you shouldn’t, so this one-gallon flask defeats the purpose.

Unless you’ve got a pair of these.

You may have thought the new Sea Monkeys or the USB Pet Rock was the worst pet of all time, but today I present to you: the “easy to care for” moss ball. It’s a ball of algae in a jar of water. No USB connection.

The Shocker, a hand gesture from 2003-ish (not quite a joke, though treated by some as if it were) lives on in hat form. It’s by the makers of Cheeseburger Hat. Which is frequently bought with Pumpkin Pie Hat. The hat rabbit hole goes deep, so if you’re in the mood for “Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought,” follow one of those links and see where you end up.

The best part of the Squirrel Toilet Paper holder isn’t the holder itself, but the “Customers Who Bought This Also Bought.” (Here’s the also-bought, to save you a click.)

One cup of coffee for Dad, and one glass of wine for Mom.