The Worst Things For Sale

As a parent, I’m always looking for ways to send my child rolling down a steep hill, into a lake, onto a busy road, or even over a cliff. That’s why I like the Little Tikes Bumper Wheel.

There’s nothing wrong with masturbation. But this book tells you to jack off while you read it, to specific situations like a teacher being proud of you, or doing well at work. And you can’t just crank it a little and turn the page. You have to finish the job. To every single page of the book. Read the “Click To Look Inside!” to see what I’m talking about.

(By the way, this is not the first product I’ve written about where I’m 99% sure the creator thought of the title first.)

The listing for this pizza cutter says it’s an 8-slice cutter. But the picture shows a slicer which will make 7 slices.

Which is it? Who fucking cares, just use a roller thing instead of buying a hula hoop covered in blades.

Grab a rock. Put it on the other rock so it don’t move. Then put more rocks on top. That’ll be $23.95.

Make sure you click thru and read the preview to see the author’s tale of everyone at the beach being impressed at his rocks. He actually quotes someone as saying “Wow, that’s so cool!” Uh-huh. Sure thing, dad.

I’m guessing “gas or ass” focus-grouped better than “Jeep: Give Me Fossil Fuel Or I’ll Fuck You.”

This is a hollowed-out nickel which holds a microSD card. It’s a really covert and easy way to accidentally put 2GB of sensitive data into a parking meter.

Socks that say “Fuck You” on the bottom, hidden by your shoes, and also hidden by the fact that you’re walking on them, are the perfect way to rebel without actually doing anything or communicating with anyone else at all.

BUT. If you get those “Fuck You” socks, AND then you get these “Fuck Me” socks, you can swap them out so you have one pair that says “Fuck Fuck.” Inside your shoes. Under your feet. Never mind, that’s still stupid.