The Worst Things For Sale

Remember back, long ago, in 2014, how Russia invaded Ukraine, seizing control of Crimea, killing ten thousand Ukrainians and displacing millions more? If you think that was really hilarious and cool, then Putin Riding A Bear might be the toy for you, an adult who’s into toys, and military-based mass murder. It’s even got FAKE ЯЦSSIAИ on the box. How can you go wrong?

No, you probably do need therapy. At least it’s not as impractical as this replacement for therapy.

The Grill House is a 2,850-pound structure which houses a table with a grill in the middle. If for some reason you need a secret eating hut in your yard, it may be expensive, but at least it comes with free shipping.

The word you were looking for was “unemployed.”

The Windi, by the makers of NoseFrida, the tube you use to suck snot out of your child’s nose like a straw, is a plastic device you shove up your child’s ass to make them release gas. It works, in the same manner as a q-tip would work, with the same predictable result: as one reviewer said, “make sure you have something to catch all the poop that comes shooting out.”

Missing an opportunity, the manufacturers of ShitLight did not actually call it ShitLight, but rather GlowBowl Motion Activated Toilet Nightlight.

Running From The Raptor is a book about nonconsensual dinosaur sex. It’s by the author of Taken By The T-Rex and Ravished By The Triceratops.