The Worst Things For Sale

What could be more american than a hamburger? A hamburger pressed into the shape of the USA, using a plastic mold which was made in China.

“For masturbation,” says the manufacturer, and given the box art and name “Sexual Lubricant With High School Girl’s Smell,” you wouldn’t think differently. If we’re picking Japanese masturbation aids by name alone, though, I’d go for Ride Horny Addicted Breeze.

(The image has been blurred in case you’re at work. I’m sure you get the idea and don’t need to see the unblurred art, but the same goes for the not-safe-for-work “Saliva Lotion Of High School Girls.”)

This 16×8-foot childrens’ playhouse warns that it comes with no floor. But, hey, what do you want for six thousand bucks? If you wanted a floor you’d spring for the nearly-twelve-thousand-dollar Grand Portico Mansion Playhouse.

If you’re trying to sell leggings to plus-sized women, you might want to have a regular woman just wear it like a human, instead of stuffing a skinny person into one half of them and holding them out like Jared Fogle. (The average adult woman in the USA wears a size 14, which is very nearly “plus-sized” to begin with, just as a point of reference.)

It’s not just this item, either – they sell this skirt-legging in the same “haha fat” way. All of their items have collected a number of negative reviews, but they still seem to think it’s funny to sell large clothing like this.

This is a tiny casket that lets you bury your wedding ring after you get divorced.

The upside of Fantasy Football Stroker isn’t that you can fuck the football. It’s that when you wear this shirt, nobody’ll know that you’re referring to fucking a plastic football.

(I blurred the entrance and exit of the football pic here due to the bizarre regulations on nudity that exist in our culture. Blame society, not me.)

Mozzer’s favorite doormat, I know, I know, it’s se-eriouuuussssss