Caffeinated water (again)


Every couple years, some company makes a new brand of caffeinated water. This one, Avitae, claims to have as much caffeine as a cup of coffee. Unfortunately, that’s not true. If you type “caffeine in a cup of coffee” into Google, it’s going to say that it has 95mg. But your typical cup of drip coffee at home is typically going to have around 150mg of caffeine. A venti drip coffee from Starbucks has an average of 400mg. At three bucks and change, that’s surprisingly cheaper than 4 bottles of Avitae, which will run you nearly eight dollars. It’s enough to “make you poop.” (Click that. Trust me.)

Some people don’t like coffee, of course, in which case it’s easy to get caffeine pills, which keep you from accidentally overdosing on a big bulk bag of powdered caffeine, as several people have done in recent years. It’s worth noting, though, that caffeine is not “God’s Speed.” You’re thinking of amphetamines.

How To Make Your Video Games Portable


Nintendo 3DS? Playstation Vita? iPad/iPhone/Android/tablet/phablet/Kindle games? No. These guys suggest you bolt your regular big-ass Playstation or Xbox into this suitcase and play games on the little screen attached to the lid. The price is insane, sure, but the worst thing here is the manufacturer’s picture of two full-sized dudes crouched over their tiny gaming suitcase, craning their necks to try to make out what’s happening on the teeny little screen.

L3D Cube: Damn, I Need A Cube


If you’ve ever gazed mournfully out of the window, thinking, “damn, I need a cube,” the L3D Cube is here to make your dreams come true. It’s an 8x8x8 grid of LED lights, and connects via WiFi to CubeTube, “The YouTube Of Cubes.” That sounds like I made it up, but, nope, it’s real.

Years Past: The Trash Species


As we hit the mid-point of January, 2015 has already drifted away, almost out of view. Was it really a whole year? Did we live for 365 full days in that time, or was it maybe a hundred real days and a fever dream? And what of 2014? Not just over, but buried under the weight of another year already gone.

You can buy 2014 confetti still, which only raises the question: how much 2014 confetti was made and thrown away? Where is your 2011 New Year’s charm?

The question is not whether your 2009 New Year’s Martini Glass still exists. Everything still exists, somewhere, in pieces if not in whole. Our K-cups, our broken dishes, our batteries thrown in the trashcan not because we don’t know better, but because there’s nowhere immediately obvious for them to go when they run out of power.


If we have a mission, as a species, could it be the creation of trash? You can walk down the enormous aisles of a hypermart and imagine the toy lawnmowers with their wheels snapped off, stickers peeled, bleached in the sun of a derelict yard. A flash-forward to a display piece of furniture, whose pegs are already coming undone, soaked in the night’s rain by the curb. We’ve democratized trash-purchasing and made the trash-creation process as efficient as possible. If we naturally create mountain-sized heaps of undifferentiated garbage, and heat the planet, and fill the oceans with plastic, and no one can stop us, doesn’t that suggest it was our purpose, after all?

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Contact drew at or tweet him @TWTFSale.