The Keyboard Waffle Iron


Too expensive to give as a gag gift and too cumbersome to heat on a stovetop when you want the occasional waffle, the Keyboard Waffle Iron exists for only one reason: the manufacturers thought of the pun “Ctrl-Alt-Delicious” and thought it was so good they had to go ahead and make the waffle iron.

There are pictures of the resulting keyboard-waffles on the listing, if you can’t deduce from the iron itself what they would look like.

The only upside to the Keyboard Waffle Iron is that it does actually make a waffle, as opposed to the Darth Vader Waffle Maker, which seems to make some sort of shitty pancake instead.

Bag of Unicorn Farts


If it weren’t explicitly used to move capital up into the hands of the hyper-rich, you’d have to admire the genius of marketing. Selling one ounce of cotton candy for an enormous markup, and pushing the product to #1 on the best-seller list in its category, is a technical triumph as much as it is a moral failure.

“But ten percent of the profits are donated to charities!” you cry, in horror. Yes, and even if that’s true, you’re still giving ninety percent of the profits to someone marking up cotton candy. (The manufacturer doesn’t specify which charities they donate to, nor provides proof that they’ve done so, by the way.)

Bluetooth Basketball


“Surely, this is a joke,” you say, having read about the wi-fi crockpot and the wi-fi scale that tweets your weight every time you step on it. But it’s not a joke. It’s a two-hundred-dollar basketball that connects with your phone, and plays sounds from a speaker inside the basketball.

There is also a Bluetooth soccer ball and a “Connected Football”, because we have been cursed with enough collective intelligence to miniaturize and insert wireless technology into everything we own, but rather than use it to bring people together and improve the world, we make it easier to play basketball with ourselves, alone.

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Contact drew at or tweet him @TWTFSale.