The Worst Things For Sale

You wouldn’t think that a discredited pseudo-scientific treatise from the 1700s would still be in print, but:

1. Here it is

2. Thousands of people online today abide by a doctrine they call “no fap,” claiming that abstinence from masturbation cures their social and physical illnesses.

There’s also “Images You Should Not Masturbate To,” though that’s a more recent book, whose cover appears to show a naked Ron Paul chopping through a frozen lake with an axe.

What is the Apex Bioenergetic Homeopathic Imprinter? Obviously, to you and me, it’s a medical scam being sold for over $500 to gullible people in search of a cure for their ailment. But the manufacturer says it “captures the body’s bioresonance” and causes a “healing response.” Which are definitely real things.

I strongly urge you to read the long, insane description they’ve provided themselves, since I don’t have the space for it here.

I’ve been wanting to make a Worst Things For Sale video series for years. We’re 75% of the way to funding this, and I’d love to get it going in 2020. Would you chip in a few bucks to help make it happen?

You’ve got to hand it to the makers of Fat Man In A Barrel, a humongous flesh-plug I’ve pixellated for obvious reasons. (You can see it on the manufacturer’s listing, if you’ve got a need to do that.) Not just for making something so huge it’s unlikely many people would ever be able to use it, but for coming up with an innocuous name so un-dildo-like that still describes their product perfectly.

Notable for the exact opposite reason is Kaylen’s Hand Butt Plug, which is shaped, apparently, exactly like Kaylen’s hand. Whoever that may be. Hope you’re getting royalties from that hand-modeling job, Kaylen.

Have you been wanting to join the ranks of those who fill their ass with coffee, but unwilling to collect all the ass-coffee supplies you need? Let the PureLife Coffee Enema Kit be your portal to this exciting world. It comes with a bag of PureLife Enema Coffee, which, believe it or not, is the second brand of coffee specially blended for enemas that I’ve reviewed here.

The Datalocker is a 1TB hard drive that costs over $400. A regular 1TB hard drive is around sixty bucks, and you can encrypt it in software for free… but, hey, if having a telephone keypad on your hard drive makes you feel like a hacker, go for it.

Sure, Amy’s Organic Chili is not the most delicious or even a very healthy thing to eat. But that’s not why it’s here.

It’s here because a fan made an unsolicited video commercial for it and posted it in the review section.