Clayspray Hydrate is water inside a spray bottle. Just water. Nothing else. How much does it cost? $2? $10? Hahahaha. Nope.

The slogan of The Selfie Brush is “Look good on Facebook, Instagram & Twitter.” It’s a plastic brush that holds an iPhone in the back, next to the mirror. Which you don’t need, because you can see yourself on the iPhone screen, which is larger than the mirror. There’s no hole for the rear-facing camera, either. But check out this picture of the women making selfie faces into it! They love it!

The chainmail necktie is a great way to say “Sure, I have a job that requires me to wear a tie, but that doesn’t mean I want to be promoted.”

Just in case you weren’t disgusted enough by the iPad potty for toddlers, Fisher-Price has come out with the “Ipad Apptivity Seat”, which it explicitly says is for newborns. Slap your day-old human into this thing and start feeding him apps and videos before he even gets a chance to experience unmediated human interaction. I’m sure there’s absolutely no downside to that.

If you think I’m exaggerating, check out the gallery of images that the manufacturer has provided to show that, yes, it’s really for tiny babies to be strapped into and Ludovico’ed.

Demeter perfumes generally smell exactly like what’s on the bottle. “Chocolate Chip Cookie” smells eerily like a freshly-baked cookie. “Tomato” smells exactly like a tomato, which is fine, if that’s what you want. And “Bonfire” smells like you’ve been outside next to a pile of burning wood.

But I’ve always been mystified why you’d want to put on their “Dirt” fragrance. It smells like dirt from the ground. Or “Cannabis Flowers.” Or “Suntan Lotion.” Or “Poison Ivy.” And now they have a “Play-Doh” scent. And “Crayon.” That’s actually what they smell like, too. Who is wearing crayon? Where do you wear crayon?

(autotune voice) IM IN THE CLUB SMELLIN LIKE CRAYON

If you love Bejeweled, you’ll hate the board game.

The manufacturer’s photo is above. These girls can hardly believe they have to pretend they like playing Bejeweled: The Board Game.

This poor girl is trying so hard to be happy about Bejeweled: The Board Game, but her eyes betray her. She’s smiling, but her eyes are sad. Because she has to move the gems around herself and keep score with chips, and because she paid $18 for a free cellphone game.