Tag Archives: safe-for-work

Hyperlip

hyperlip

The Hyperlip is a plastic ring you wedge in your mouth to keep your mouth hanging open. Why? The manufacturer doesn’t explain, but notes it’s a “great conversation starter.” It’s worth a peek for the picture of the old guy wearing one, if nothing else.



Squirrel Poop: Not Actually A Medicine

wu-ling-zhi-squirrel-feces-medicine

This is one pound of squirrel feces, being sold as a “medicinal grade Chinese herb.” Obviously, squirrel poop doesn’t treat, prevent, or cure any known illness. But there’s a deeper truth in this. Traditional Chinese Medicine, a name meant to evoke the wisdom of the ancients, was popularized in the 1950s by Chairman Mao Zedong’s government. Although the government knew that it was ineffective, the citizens in post-war China generally couldn’t afford Western medicine, and so it was established as a way for the government to trick the people into believing they had access to medical care.

While it’s true that people have been sniffing squirrel shit and eating spiders in the name of “medicine” for centuries, it’s also worth noting that contemporaneous treatments included ingestion of mercury and arsenic, bloodletting, and trepanation. Since this medical hoax belongs to another culture, it’s easy to ignore it, and pretend that making tea out of a parasitic fungus that takes over the nervous system of insects is a legitimate medical treatment that we just don’t understand as Americans. But the guy selling squirrel shit is just as bad as Dr. Oz selling a bag of raspberry ketones: either way, you stay sick, and they get rich.



The Mac’n'cheese Button

kraft-macaroni-button

This button connects to your Wi-Fi network, and when you push it, Amazon mails you Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Dinner. While the Amazon Dash program started last year with a few buttons for household necessities like detergent and paper towels, it’s been expanded, and you can now have America’s favorite fat-and-carbs delivery system at the push of a button.

If you’re thinking you’ve gotta wash your automatic dinner down with water, nope – there’s a button for Gatorade too. It’s got what plants– I mean people– crave.

The Jazz Pattern

 

jazz-mug

Remembering something isn’t the same as liking it. But, I guess if you actually liked the “Jazz” pattern which was on half the paper cups you used in the 90s, you can buy this mug, and continue to drink out of its teal-and-purple glory. You could also buy the definitely-unlicensed, doesn’t-even-wrap-around t-shirt of the design.

Weirdly, the original paper cups are still being sold by the Solo corporation, the Jazz cup’s original manufacturer.



Showering, For Men

axe-detailer

Scrubbing your skin with a poofy loofah is “for girls,” says Axe, introducing the Axe Detailer, which is a loofah. But for men. It’s not a princess exfoliator for prettiness. It’s a hardware detailer for a man’s big, hard muscles. Maybe two guys get in the shower together, and Axe Detail each other, to make sure they get it all. Fuck yeah, bro. Men rule.

Bacon Deodorant

PowerBacon1

Stale armpit sweat, swampy and fermented, kind of already smells like bacon. But why live your life with just a hint of pig-stink? Go all the way with “Power Bacon” deodorant.











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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.