Greenies

Why do I love Greenies? Is it the fact that they’re expensive? Is it the fact that they cause my dog to leave drippy trails of green shit through three rooms of my house, shit that’s apparently really painful because he barks at his own butt the whole time he’s shitting?

No, it’s the fact that they’re full of cellulose fiber, splinter into hard chunks when chewed, and are known to cause bowel obstructions in dogs, which can be fatal and/or require surgery to remove.

If you care about your dog’s teeth, brush them with a toothbrush. Or do what I do and don’t brush them. He’s a dog and I made the vet cut his balls off with a laser and he’s not going on a date or an interview.