CONGRATULATIONS candles

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Yes, you could use these candles to spell out CONGRATULATIONS on someone’s cake. But as you open the package and begin to unsort the letters, a sinister thought grips your mind. You begin spelling other things. “CONTAGIOUS,” you almost spike into the cake, then changing your mind to “CASTRATION.” Your mind goes into Scrabble mode, and you spell out “GLUTTON”, “ATROCIOUS”, “LACTATION”, and finally, “STRANGULATION”.

With a dramatic sweep of your hand, you shuttle the unused candles into the trash, opting instead to write “Good Job” in frosting.








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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.