Turkey Hat Person

It’s not too late! Get a turkey hat so you can be The Turkey Hat Person at your family’s Thanksgiving dinner! Give them a conversation point that’s better than “he needs to get a better job” or “why hasn’t she settled down yet?” Take off your shirt, slam two devilled eggs on your nips and run through your childhood home, screaming “I’M THANKFUL FOR THESE EGGS!!!! I’M THANKFUL FOR THIS HAT!!!!!!!” They’ll never bother having a conversation about your failed aspirations ever again.

I’m not just the president of this club, by the way… I’m also a member.