Grow Tall


“Grow Tall” is an herbal supplement that claims you will grow one to six inches in height when you take it. It claims to make your bones actually grow, in adulthood.

It’s plausible that you might be able to irritate your lips to make them plumper, for example. And you can vacuum-pump your baseballs and bat to enlarge them. It’s soft tissue and it’s not impossible to get soft tissue to take up more water or blood and expand. So you have to hand it to Herbal Health Team for being like “Yo, fuck it. Get tall. It’s like… herbs. Or whatever. Who cares what’s in it.”

Which is not to say it’s impossible for your bones to grow in adulthood. It’s just that that’s a disease, called acromegaly, which is incredibly painful and causes you to die early.

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