This computer mouse hides a digital scale inside and has a little compartment to stash a tiny amount of weed. This would be more practical if a desktop computer wasn’t a big square box with a ton of empty space where you could put a full-sized scale and several ounces of weed.

Customers who bought this also bought a plastic bic lighter that you can store an even tinier amount of weed in. Who are all these customers and what are they doing with their tiny pieces of weed?

The manufacturer says these cufflinks are “great for the boater, camper, hiker, hunter or outdoor enthusiast.” Who the hell goes hiking in a dress shirt with cufflinks?

Macho Man slammed a big nelson down on the Hulkster. “You’re about to get wrestled!” he yelled. Then, he pushed a big toilet out in the ring, and he made Hulk poop on it, and Hulkster was crying, and everyone saw him, and saw his poop, even the Ultimate Warrior.

Recreate this amazing scenario with the WWE Hardcore Toilet For Wrestling Action Figures. It’s a toilet for your wrestling action figures.

In case you’re one of those “bacon guys” who is also planning for a pending world apocalypse, canned bacon might be just what you need for your basement. The manufacturer claims it stays edible for 10 years after purchase. Of course, if the world has ended, it’ll probably be hard to get a refund if your bacon’s bad.

The Original “Terminator” Zapper (quotes are the manufacturer’s, not mine) claims to heal your Sacred Hoop. It mentions orgonite, magnets, energy, “magick”, and living a hundred years… why don’t you read the full description of the things that two pennies hot-glued to a plastic box can accomplish?

Then, if your faith in humanity is not destroyed, read the 13 customer reviews, all of whom seem to believe in this device, and go on to mention “Blood Electrification” and the 528Hz healing frequency.

This “inkless pen” works with the magic of lead. The metal lead. You know… the neurotoxic metal that poisoned the Romans, that you have to scrape out of your old house using a respirator, that you have to test your kid for?

Lead is a soft metal, so if you draw on paper with it, it’ll leave a grey line on the paper. Made out of lead. Now you’ve got a paper covered in lead.

Just in case you think I’m confused and you’re all ready to send me a mad email – no, it doesn’t use graphite, which is the “lead” in mechanical pencils. It uses actual lead.

The GoateeSaver allows you to bite a plastic template to prevent you from messing up your goatee.