Whatever your political inclination, it’s always funny to check up on pre-election cash-in books by presidential candidates of the past. “No Apology”, Mitt Romney’s paean-to-himself, checks in at $3.21 for the hardcover.

The John Kerry title “Call To Service” is available for as little as $0.01.

But my favorite failed-president book is Bob Dole: A Pictorial History Of A Kansan. The publishers were like “Fuck the words, you don’t read words. We got pictures. Bob Dole.”

Medical problems can cause your gas to smell horrendous or be produced in large volumes. So, assuming it works, the Subtle Butt “disposable gas neutralizer” might be great if you have this problem.

I put it here on this page for the customer who gave it one star because “I am looking for a product that will intensify the smell.” 

This book would have some potential if it weren’t full of entries like “In 1954, a man ejaculated 15 ml.” That’s all it says on the topic, no name, no source.

I’m sure the contents of this book were scraped together from a few websites and condensed into a crummy Kindle book in a couple of days, but I’d like to imagine that the author compiled it from his own research, hours and hours of knocking on doors, asking people “So, ever have a really large nude wedding? No? Okay, how about a… (looks at paper) anal gangbang with over 40 participants? No? Okay, thanks for your time.”

(If you’re in the mood for more unverifiable “sex world records”, there is, as always, the “look inside” link.)

The manufacturer’s instructions are simple: “Rub on oil on the inside of your wallet everyday.” Well, shit, that’s bound to make me oil money drawing. Wait, what?

It’s a “Ball Sack” for girls! It’s funny because it’s a golf ball and not a testicle, which is a sex organ that a male animal has. It says “Girls need balls to golf” because most women aren’t born with testicles, which are called “balls” for slang!

So, this is stupid, and nobody wants it, right? Nope. It’s one of the top-selling golf accessories.

This book combines two of my least favorite things. No, it’s not a musical about sports! It’s a celebrity psychic!

Finally, we can learn what happens to celebrities after they die! I bet it’s definitely not that they are underground skeletons.

This two-dollar bill costs $9.98. In fact, there are a ton of two-dollar bills being sold online for inflated prices.

Most banks will give you a two-dollar bill for exactly two dollars, if you want one. If you want a whole bunch, they can usually get you as many as you want with some advance notice. They’re cool as long as you don’t become that smug guy who pushes them on idiot teens in big-box stores and then sneers “IT’S LEGAL TENDER. BET YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT VINYL RECORDS ARE EITHER.”