This book might be okay if it weren’t for Coolio’s insistence on referring to a tablespoon as a dime bag, and the publisher’s insistence on inserting what they seem to think is “rap talk” into each sentence.

The “Porkfolio” is an unreasonably-expensive piggy bank that connects to a smartphone app to display how much money is inside. Unfortunately, it only holds (according to the manufacturer) approximately 400 quarters. Which means that the Porkfolio is almost as expensive as the money it can hold.

Follow us on Twitter or subscribe to our RSS feed to get our posts automatically, every day. And if you see something horrible that’s not on the site yet, email a link to drew@toothpastefordinner.com.

I’m just gonna sit in my lawn chair while I use my $199 sex cushion. No biggie. Keepin’ my sandals on.

Turn your child’s bathtime into a rave! Just don’t tell them what happens in an actual bathroom at a rave, or about anything else from the 90′s, until they’re adults.

Ladies, are you tired of feeling insecure about every body part except your arms? It’s your lucky day. It’s time to buy an arm girdle! This one’s in black, to “reduce arm flab.”

This one’s a nude-color arm girdle! And it provides an “arm smoothing effect”!!!

This one, and I quote, “creates the perfectly firm arms of your dreams.”

Insta-Snow Powder is a polymer that expands when mixed with water, and it’s generally well-liked. A tub of it holds 100 grams and it’s not very expensive. I’m linking it here because you’ll want to read this review of a woman in Arizona who bought 75 gallons’ worth of Insta-Snow Powder and covered her entire front yard in it, and then complained that it was hard to clean up.