Shoulder Fanny-Pack


The “Hands Free Carry-All” combines the high fashion of the fanny pack with the elegance of the Miss America sash. Crown yourself king or queen of Keeping Your Snacks On Your Shirt with this $45 piece of shit.

If you’ve absolutely gotta fanny-pack around town, go for the nine-buck american flag special instead. You’ll have enough money to buy a pair of aviators with a see-through american flag on each of the lenses.

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