Not many rappers have come out and said “Yeah, fuck it, I smoke crack, and I’m better than you because I smoke crack.” That’s Viper, the creator of “You’ll Cowards Don’t Even Smoke Crack,” on the song of the same name. Crack is mentioned as a way to make money in a lot of rap lyrics, or as a scourge of the impoverished, but not often are the crack songs actually about the rapper smoking crack.

His weirdly sluggish beats and low-in-the-mix vaporwave vocals might be blowing up Tumblr right now if they were ironic, or if he had even one Unicode character in his name. There are 15 of his songs here and they’re weirdly listenable.

The Frisky Fox Tail is a 14″-long fox tail you can wear by sticking it up your… well, I had to blur it out here, so maybe you’d better see for yourself if you’re not at work right now. Foxes not your thing? You can get a bunny tail that works on the same principle. (Again, not safe for work.)

This “EMF Radiation Shield Maternity Camisole” protects you against “electrosmog.” Which is, long story short, not a real thing. But hey, maybe you want to spend an insanely huge amount on a tank top that looks like a dental smock.

Men, if you feel left out, there’s a shiny silver anti-electrosmog V-neck which costs only twice as much.

I’ve got some good news for anyone who has purchased this: Your baby isn’t dyslexic. The reason he can’t read is because he’s six months old.

If you’re the kind of guy who won’t buy something unless it’s gun-shaped or attaches to a gun, this flash drive is for you. Just make sure you keep it at home if you live in America and your skin’s any darker than a mozzarella stick. Cops know they’ve got paid retirement and $100k in a GoFundMe waiting for them if they plug you.

These beige rectangles are meant to be attached to your clothing, with the reasoning that “Clothes don’t always have pockets.” That’s true, but I’m not sure this is the solution. Regardless, check out how happy the Pocksie model looks with his adhesive pocket full of candy and toys!

The book “Wasn’t It Smart Of God?” is a collection of nonsensical God-themed Facebook-memes-from-your-one-aunt, meant to illustrate the divine beauty of creation. Regardless of your spiritual bent, they’re generally like “If God didn’t love us, He wouldn’t have given us bridges, and we’d have to drive in the water!”

“Wasn’t it smart of God to give us hard knuckles so we can knock on doors?” it asks. Well, I mean… it’s–

“Wasn’t it smart of God to give us fevers when we’re sick or in love?” You don’t get a fever when you fall in–

“Wasn’t it smart of God to give us ears and noses to hold up our glasses?” I can’t continue, but if you can, hit the “Look Inside” link to see more.