I think the most minimalist tape dispenser might be the regular, cheap tape dispenser, instead of this extremely expensive one. Maybe that makes me a bad minimalist.

Although it could be argued that Crystal Pepsi (or perhaps Orbitz) was the quintessential failed 90s soda, Surge is the only one that’s being manufactured again in 2014. Predictably, the Internet has left hundreds of “funny” reviews on the item listing. Whether you’re serious or ironic about saying you love Surge, the end result is the same: you’re using the miracle of global electronic communication to discuss a billion-dollar company’s sugar water.

I don’t know if I’d take love advice from Carlos J. Lee, author of “Bitch Are You Retarded?” Apart from the obvious, he’s also the author of “Baby Car Car: A Disturbing Story Of Demonic Torment And Possession.”

Some smartasses made and are trying to sell an “Apple Watch” to capitalize on the actual Apple Watch being released next year. But, hey, if you fall for it, at least you’re only out a few bucks.

“DON’T WASTE THIS IN COFFEE,” writes a caps-lock-loving reviewer named Edward, who goes on to extol the virtues of eating Nestle Coffee-Mate with a spoon. It’s tempting to think he’s joking, but the caps lock and the “Verified Purchase” shown on the review have convinced me he’s serious as a coffee-creamer-induced heart attack.

“Zabiba And The King” is Saddam Hussein’s novel, an allegory casting himself as a king who loves the nation of Iraq. As books by dictators go, it’s a better read than Kim Jong Il’s “On The Art Of The Cinema,” although that’s not saying much.