Baby Monkey: The Hell Baby

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I don’t know the kind of person who collects creepy-ass monkey dolls, so I won’t speculate. But I’m guessing it’s the same kind of person who collects reborn baby dolls, which are incredibly realistic (and expensive) lifelike newborn babies. A whole mini-economy exists for these dolls, with collectors spending tens of thousands on dolls, parts, accessories, and some dedicating entire rooms of their house to fake babies.

While collecting realistic human dolls speaks of loss and loneliness, I can’t quite put my finger on what would drive you to buy a horrifying orangutan-baby-in-human-clothes doll. An excess of money could have easily been dumped into a new kitchen, a nice car, or a long-range aerial drone with GPS. You can’t send that orangutan up in the air to take bad-ass pictures of your neighborhood.

But, then again, you can’t get ebola from flying a sweet quadcopter. Strap on your animatronic chimpanzee head (with “sounds of the wild”) and get out there in the world and be a monkey’s mom.








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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.