If you think about it, a fake coin used in sports for the “coin flip” is definitely worth five bucks plus shipping! It’s not like you can get a coin just anywhere, for twenty-five cents.

The iHUD is a small plastic box that projects an image of your smartphone’s screen onto your windshield, so you can watch movies or read email while you’re driving. It supposedly makes this “safer”, though I’d guess that having Facebook posts superimposed on your field of vision as you drive a vehicle would be less safe than glancing down at your phone. It’s also bizarrely expensive for what amounts to an LED screen inside a plastic box.

It’s been beaten into all of us at this point that using your phone while driving is dangerous, but for the majority of people, instant gratification trumps nearly everything else in life. The boredom of piloting a metal box down a highway at seventy miles per hour is too much to bear. The risk of causing an accident further heightens the rush of dopamine from seeing new content online. If you’re a conspiracy theorist, you might be inclined to believe that all of this is by design.

You can hit the “look inside” link on the listing if you want to see how far the rabbit hole goes, but just knowing that the author of “Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt” wrote a book called “Pounded In The Butt By My Book Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt“ is probably enough for most people.

Sure, any product labeled as “vaginal shrink cream” is pretty awful. But what pushes this one over the edge is the long list of reviews by men who said they used it on themselves.

Instant Teeth? As seen on TV? I’ll take six sets. Neighborhood kids call me Mr. Shark.

Only the most brutal of bathrooms can handle the gothic bleakness of black toilet paper. “I am the night,” you’ll whisper, slowly threading the expensive butt-roll through your glutes.

Later, you’ll spill your goblet of blood and reach for the same company’s black paper towels, eyes rolling back into your head as you summon Bountytoth, the Dark Lord of Cleaning.

Nearly three years after the hit song “Gangnam Style” was released, a company has made a wind-up toy that masturbates in the style of the song’s video. (I had to pixellate the toy penis; it’s there on the listing itself if you must see it.)

It’s marginally more tasteful than the wind-up Obama toy that gives a Hitler salute as it masturbates… but only marginally.