“Magical Unicorn Sharts” is a glass bottle with some ribbons inside. For your unicorn-novelty needs, you might want to go with Unicorn Poop, not because it’s any better of an idea, but because it’s actually a real product you can use.

Winbot is a “window cleaning robot” styled after the Roomba. Unfortunately, users report that it not only leaves streaks when cleaning (during the times it doesn’t stop working entirely) and falls off the window, but multiple reviewers note that it broke their window.

“You will forget you are carrying and concealing a handgun,” brags the manufacturer of these shorts, apparently unaware that that might lead to something terrible.

No! NO! BAD! That is not the chalice! You are licking the goddamn toilet! BAD! Bad bredren!

Ten bucks doesn’t seem too bad for an imaginary friend. The manufacturer insists that it is “REAL” (their capitalization.)

The same seller also offers “Human Soul (Alive),” if you just want to own a soul without the burden of friendship.

Ringly is a ring that vibrates and flashes when you receive a notification on your phone, which it pairs to via Bluetooth. It’s apparently meant for people who find that their phone doesn’t buzz, chirp, hum, plink, beep, or ping them enough. And it’s expensive. But can you really put a price on constant validation?

Running From The Raptor is a book about nonconsensual dinosaur sex. It’s by the author of Taken By The T-Rex and Ravished By The Triceratops.