The Baby Anxiety Platform


Hatch Baby, a padded scale, allows you to weigh your baby obsessively. You set your infant on it, several times a day, and worry excessively about the numbers it sends to your phone. The graph goes up and down, giving you a visual readout of the terror you experience as a new parent. It works to intensify the fear and guilt you naturally feel when burdened with the responsibility of a newborn baby. Not satisfied by the white-knuckle grip that anxiety holds over your life, you allow Hatch Baby to quantify and magnify your deepest fears.

It’s great for dads, too.

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