You may have thought the new Sea Monkeys or the USB Pet Rock was the worst pet of all time, but today I present to you: the “easy to care for” moss ball. It’s a ball of algae in a jar of water. No USB connection.

You may have seen the Relaxman Relaxation Capsule before, but have you seen the Italian television commercial for it?

The purpose of a flask is to bring liquor where you shouldn’t, so this one-gallon flask defeats the purpose.

Unless you’ve got a pair of these.

This is the perfect shirt for your RealDoll. Or your unbelievably creepy child-sized, child-proportioned off-brand sex doll. Whatever floats your boat, Jared.

You can put a silicone cap on a beer bottle and stick it back in the fridge. There’s no law against it. You can drink oxidized, flat beer if that’s your thing.

Also, as reviewers have noted, if there’s carbonation left in your beer when you put one of these on, the pressure will pop the lid off, allowing your oxidized, flat beer to relax in your fridge uncovered.

I will actually do that exact thing. Thank you for the warning.

(I like this one almost as much, btw.)

Americanize your front door with The Gun Key, a 45-caliber key blank that can be cut as a duplicate of your house key. There is, of course, also an AK-47 house key.