Beer has been available for decades in bottles and cans, which are single-serving sealed containers that keep your beer fresh until you decide to drink them. In an effort to  change this system which works flawlessly, brewers and drinkers have been putting craft beer in growlers, which are larger tanks that go flat before you can finish the beer inside. To “fix” this problem, you can now buy a pressurized growler, allowing you to pay a hefty price for the privilege of having beer that will probably still go flat.

I obviously can’t post a picture of it here, but some company sells a “replacement foreskin” made out of silicone. What you’d use it for is beyond me, but it’s from the makers of the Atomic Jock Unit-X Cocksling, so I’m sure there’s a target market out there doing something with them.

The USA Beer Cap Map enables you to store your otherwise-discarded trash and display it on the wall. Patriotically.

They also make one in an Ohio shape, of course.

If worn by a person with an irony level of 5 or higher, this hat is a perfect “Da Motha FuCKIN Share z0ne” reference. Any lower level and you’re just a guy with an asshole hat.

HELLO I AM YOUR NEW GRANDMOTHER. I HAVE DISPOSED OF YOUR EXISTING GRANDMOTHER(S) AS THEY WERE SUBSTANDARD AND NOT NUDE.

The Dino Pet is a plastic dinosaur-shaped tank filled with plankton, which you feed “Dino Food”, and which rewards you by faintly glowing at night, before the plankton die.

How much do you pay for your scented candles? $5? $10? It’s time for you to make a real investment.