Today is, as you no doubt already know, Prime Day on Amazon. Indulge yourself in the one-day bargains, such as a 43″ TV for $300, with enough time between now and Black Friday that you can tsk at the Walmart shoppers lining up for cheap televisions.

In keeping with the Prime Day theme, the Squatty Potty (above) is discounted, in case you need to shit ice cream with your legs propped on a stool.

What is adult life if not the simple, cheap joys of childhood sold back to us at a premium? It used to be that companies would make shiny, mass-produced, clam-packaged versions of our memories and sell them back to us in chain stores, but now, people handmake our shitty old stuff and charge us even more for it. “It’s just like the wooden slingshot you used to make as a kid,” says the manufacturer, even though the price implies it should probably be a whole lot better than something I’d make with a stick in the woods as a child.

They also make a hundred-dollar “Tree Swing,” which is a board with two holes drilled in it.

Surprisingly not shaped like a gun, the American Skillet is instead over 100 bucks’ worth of cast iron that used to be a Native American skillet.

The Jesuits, a congregation of Catholics, controls the world gold economy. According to this author’s conspiracy theory. How? Why? That knowledge will come at a high price.

Describing it as the “Ultra-Portable Toilet”, the manufacturers of the Gotta Go Poncho have combined two small trash bags, a wet wipe, and a giant trash bag in an envelope and brag that you can use it to take a dump in public. You wear the large trash bag and shit and piss into the smaller ones. No need to use your imagination as to how this happens – there’s a picture of a lady demonstrating the product.

You may have eaten ostrich and alligator jerky, but you’ve probably never had earthworm jerky. This is your chance to drop fifteen bucks to eat something you could probably dig out of your yard yourself.

A polygraph measures your pulse and skin conductivity. It’s usually inadmissible in court, since its accuracy rate is so low that it’s inappropriate to use as evidence in a criminal case. But, hey, if you want to drop three hundo to accuse your friends and family of things they didn’t do and record their bodily functions on your phone with this USB polygraph, feel free.