The manufacturers of this $49 white t-shirt brag that it’s “hydrophobic and stain-resistant.” You could buy this, or you could buy a regular white shirt for a few bucks, or you could buy a Jeb! 2016 shirt for $0.01, if you don’t mind that it’s from a failed presidential campaign.

What does a summer cookout need? Beer? Friends? Sun? Nope. An unbelievably expensive grill built into a trailer you pull behind your car.

This isn’t your regular, run-of-the-mill animatronic baby gorilla head. It’s the very same animatronic baby gorilla head used in the movie Gorillas In The Mist.

There’s a cheaper alternative, but it will require a bit more effort on your part.

Combining two things I’ve written about previously, the Dude Dash Button delivers Dude Wipes (moistened butt-wipes FOR MEN ONLY) when you push it.

(Thanks to @edzitron for the tip.)

Jelqing is the technique of squeezing blood into your penis to temporarily, and, as the practitioners hope, permanently enlarge it over time. (It doesn’t, by the way, and can cause circulatory and nerve problems to your organ, making it numb or harder to achieve erections.) Still, millions of men across the planet have a pathological desire to enlarge their penis, meaning we end up with tools like The Penilizer.

For those who don’t want to drop the dough, there is a cheaper and commonly-used kitchen-tool alternative that seems to do the very same thing. Keep it in a drawer with your spatulas and no one but you and your permanently-damaged dick will be the wiser.