ASMR, or “Autonomous sensory meridian response,” is a lot of words to describe recording yourself making noise on a stereo microphone and then making other people listen to it. This man, who I’ve unfairly yet accurately dubbed Mr. Creepy, makes dozens of ASMR videos. The covers always feature him staring into the camera, the shadow of a grin flashing across his face, as if he knows something you do not, like, perhaps, that he masturbates to the sound of himself scratching and tapping a cardboard box. Or crinkling a plastic bag. Or swishing a makeup brush on a microphone while the microphone is recording. Staring into the camera the whole time, sometimes whispering.

If you feel a shiver run down your spine, it’s not some kind of unique biological stimulation. It’s your brain trying to tell you that someone’s about to murder you.

Make sure you watch a few seconds of the Ear Cleaning ASMR video (pictured above) if you want to grasp the true size of this horror.

Once a character in Matt Furie’s Boy’s Club, Pepe The Frog has become a multi-memed symbol representing everything from introvert-loneliness to nationalism and white supremacy. Now, for some reason, Pepe is a mousepad with a giant, squishable ass. Lord knows who will buy it and what they’ll do with it, but it exists, and the world is worse for it.

(If you haven’t read Boy’s Club, you should, because unlike the derivative Pepe The Frog merch, Matt Furie actually gets paid for it. And it’s good, which makes the endless fascist re-use of the character that much worse.)

Halloween may be over, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get a “green man” kids’ costume with built-in, uh… well, it’s not “for kids.” 

(I’ve pixellated the image for obvious reasons, but you can see the unedited version here.)

Why choose between looking stylish and taking a nap on public transit when you can do both?

Put that little asterisk in there if you want. I still don’t think your kid’s gonna be able to take this backpack to school.