If you’re looking for a less metabolically-disrupting meal than the 26-pound gummy python, how about this svelte one-pound food simulacrum? It’s all of the orange, red, and yellow of a regular pizza without any of the nutritional value of bread, cheese, sauce, or processed meat.

File this one under “they thought of the name before they made the product.” Same with Holy Toast. And Grilled Cheezus, for that matter.

Even if you were to ignore the fact that hitting golf balls off naked, beheaded women is bizarre, this product misspells its own name, intending to be “nudie” golf tees, but instead winding up with a word that rhymes with “buddy.” (You can see the uncensored nuddies on the listing, if you must.)

This might be wonderful if you were stuck in the hospital, or bed-bound from your injuries, or otherwise horizontally disabled. Too bad it broke this guy’s iPad.

These non-prescription glasses have diffraction grating built in, which causes light to separate into its color components when you wear them. Which might be all right for about 60 seconds, if you’re insanely high, but will likely just give you a headache. The manufacturer provides the least-helpful product video I’ve ever seen, if you feel like you need to add zero information to your pounding diffraction headache.

Still, they are infinitely better than these.

This is a layer of film you stick to your desk that “turns it into a dry erase board.” Which would be great, except it’s horizontal, on your desk, so you can’t use it to show things to a group. And you can’t use your desk, because if you put anything on the desk, or put your arms on the desk, you’ll erase what’s on there. And you could use a pad of paper and a pen to get more information written down with less effort, if you’re sitting at your desk. And it costs a bit much for a single piece of plastic that’s sticky on the back. But I guess these are all small prices to pay for “productivity.”

Star Wars kitchen merchandise is always a stretch. I’ve written about the Star Wars waffle maker that makes a pancake instead of a waffle, and the Star Wars toaster that leaves most of the bread untoasted but for a small, scorched Star Wars logo in the middle of each slice. But the Star Wars Immersion Blender takes it even further, and is simply a regular immersion blender with a red dingle instead of a silver one. If they didn’t show you pictures of Darth Vader swishing it around, you wouldn’t know it from an identical-but-cheaper 300-watt immersion blender.