If you’re wondering how an erotic e-book about “Interracial cuckold, messy clean-up” involves a fidget spinner, you can hit the “Look Inside” to read the first few pages of this book. Then again, if you’ve been reading this site for more than a few days, you can probably figure it out without having to read a single word of the book itself.

This attachment allows you to shoot golf balls using your AR-15. Even if you do play golf, and own an AR-15, isn’t the point to hit the ball with your club?

The CueCat was a barcode scanner from the late 90s, which was intended to hook into your computer and let you scan advertisements to go to the advertiser’s website without typing the URL. It failed, obviously, for the reason that typing in an URL is not generally a stumbling block to buying something you want. Having ignored this colossal failure (the CueCat’s parent company blew $185,000,000 on the product,) Amazon’s Dash Wand does basically the same thing, but wirelessly. You can scan products in your house with the Dash Wand to buy more of them on Amazon. But with WiFi. Because, the line of thinking must go, plugging your CueCat into your computer with a wire was the problem, not the rest of it.

(If you missed it the first time around, and you have a PS/2 port on your computer, you can still buy an original CueCat for about five bucks, because there are still millions of them on our planet, none of which are currently in use.)

If you’re really an introvert, do you want random people to walk up to you in public and start reading your shirt? Or, worse, talking to you about how you’re a quiet loner, recharge, thinkers, brainy, focus, INTROVERTS?

Inspired by the success of The Boyfriend Pillow, there is now The Girlfriend Pillow. I’m guessing it took a long time to design because of the challenges in accurately modeling and simulating a girlfriend’s torso and arm, but I have no doubt you’ll agree that it was worth the wait.

The lone customer review for this item (which I’ve censored here, in case a candy dick will get you in trouble at home or work) is that it arrived used. Hey, someone’s gotta test out the dick candy necklace to make sure it… dick candies.

We’re almost halfway through 2017 and “Keep Calm” is still going strong. Though, finally, with this t-shirt, it’s finally moved into unintelligible territory.