Smile Maker is a plastic appliance you wedge into your mouth, supposedly to train yourself to smile. Here’s what it looks like when it’s in your mouth.

This “smart ring” uses NFC to communicate with your phone. Unfortunately, this guy who reviewed it accidentally broke his ring (because it’s made of ceramic, not metal) and was then unable to unlock his phone.

Sure, it just looks mall-level doofy in this pic. But check out the manufacturer’s gallery of dudes in dangerous situations using this chain to stop a knife attack, or… squat dangerously… or… change gears while driving.

No, it’s not an accessory to beat your meat, or whip your chicken. That’s why it’s got those spikes on the bottom, to keep you from sitting on it. It’s like the spikes they put on signs to keep pigeons off, or the spikes they put in entryways to keep homeless people from sleeping there.

The Negg is a boiled-egg peeler. I’ve written about egg products countless times – the Eggstractor, Eggmaster, Egg Genie, Eggbot, and Egg Cuber, to name a few. You’ve been living in the black-and-white world where you can’t cook or eat eggs for too long. Buy one of each and live in the full color, all-smiles universe of Egg Products.

Faced with the problem of how to take a photo of a mirror, this manufacturer chose to photoshop a naked butt into it. (Pixellated here, but original pic is on the listing.)

You’re 104?! No way! I thought you were at MOST seventy plus fuck you.